All’s fair in love and money: American couples struggle to talk about money but desire shared financial goals
- New research from global tech company Wise uncovers that one in three Americans feels uncomfortable discussing money with their partner
- The complexity of sending money abroad makes money conversations harder — but more necessary — for Americans with a partner living abroad
Just in time to help couples avoid arguments on Valentine’s Day, a new study conducted by Talker Research on behalf of international money app Wise has revealed that one in three (32%) Americans feel uncomfortable discussing finances with their romantic partner.
The research, which surveyed 2,000 Americans in relationships, including 500 in cross-border relationships (who have a partner currently living in another country), confirms that while money and love don’t seem to go hand in hand, many couples need to talk more, not less, about their finances.
How couples manage money together influences their daily lives and financial futures, but for many, having important discussions about finances comes at its own price. Almost half (44%) of Americans are uncomfortable talking about money with their partner because they are concerned that the conversation will lead to disagreement. And it’s no surprise—on average, American couples report having 58 money-related arguments per year.
Reasons for disagreement vary depending on the couple, but the most common fall outs are about what constitutes necessary spending (43%), expenditures on non-essential items like streaming subscriptions and vacations (36%), and decisions regarding how much money to save (34%).
The more complex a couple’s financial situation, the trickier money talk becomes. Couples in cross-border relationships are twice as likely to say they need more conversations with their partner about money (73% vs. 37%), and they also fight about money more often, averaging 72 arguments annually, compared to 53 for couples living in the same country.
“Having conversations about finances in relationships is difficult no matter your living situation. But for couples living abroad from one another, sending and receiving money or paying bills in different currencies can make it difficult to navigate a shared financial future. It’s crucial for cross-border couples to find financial tools that cater specifically to their international needs, and to understand which services are upfront about fees, so they always know what they’re paying and what their partner will receive on the other side.”
On top of the day-to-day struggles that couples face when one partner lives abroad—from time difference to the expense of traveling to be in person together—managing money in multiple currencies can be highly confusing. Couples in cross-border relationships cited staying aware of currency conversion rates (36%) and figuring out the best tools to use when sending or receiving money (36%) as the most difficult aspects of managing finances internationally.
Money transfer fees also ranked high on the list of concerns for 35% of cross-border couples, and they’re on to something. In 2024 alone, consumers in the US lost a shocking $18 bn to hidden fees when sending money internationally. In other words, Americans with a partner living abroad are being unexpectedly and unfairly charged to maintain their long-distance relationship.
The costs and complexities of managing money across borders are not just a problem for couples currently in cross-border relationships; these issues may also be discouraging Americans from considering living abroad and separate from their partner. Of couples surveyed who live in the same place, only 11% would consider an international relationship, meaning 89% of respondents might turn down life-changing job opportunities overseas.
When asked what concerns respondents have, or would have, about dating someone living in another country, over half (52%) were worried about finding time to see each other in person. But money concerns were also common: 26% mentioned sharing money across different countries and currencies, while 25% were worried about the complexity of managing money in multiple or different currencies.
While money is clearly a touchy subject for so many Americans, being aligned on finances with a long-term partner is still seen as highly important. Four in five (82%) Americans surveyed believe couples having a similar philosophy about money is key for a healthy relationship. But with only 69% of couples stating that they personally share a similar philosophy with their partner, this Valentine’s Day might be the perfect opportunity to get back on the same page.
“In a world where our work and personal lives are becoming increasingly global, money shouldn’t be a barrier to maintaining a relationship with a partner—regardless of where they live,” D’Mello added. “By finding non-confrontational ways to talk about money and using financial tools that suit their unique situation, couples can learn more about their loved one, develop shared goals and build towards a financial future together, no matter how many miles are between them.”
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans in a relationship (dating, engaged or married), with 500 of those in cross-border relationships. The survey was commissioned by Wise and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Jan. 9–22.
About Wise
Wise is a global technology company, building the best way to move and manage the world's money. With Wise Account and Wise Business, people and businesses can hold 40 currencies, move money between countries and spend money abroad. Large companies and banks use Wise technology too; an entirely new network for the world's money.
One of the world’s fastest growing, profitable tech companies, Wise launched in 2011 and is listed on the London Stock Exchange under the ticker, WISE.
In fiscal year 2024, Wise supported around 12.8 million people and businesses, processing approximately £118.5 billion in cross-border transactions, and saving customers over £1.8 billion.